I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
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i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
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A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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