i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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