But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
