but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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