i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
