i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
How drunk are you?
Completed.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
