people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
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