i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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