I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
