i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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