Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
