what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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