I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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