C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Everyone says I win the strip club
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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