It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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