sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
