Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
