i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.