I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
All of them.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
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Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
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I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.