That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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