i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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