I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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