why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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