The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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