Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
