Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
