every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
