his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
