he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
