i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
