Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
