I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
