turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize