Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
