Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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