i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
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He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
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He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.