I chose taco bell over sex...
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
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im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
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Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.