it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?