you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.