she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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