I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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