I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
