im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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