What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
