Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
