Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
