God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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