fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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