there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
