i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
