remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
