So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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