Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
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I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
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I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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