There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
