I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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