Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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