I cannot find my penis.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
