Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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