If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
