i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
