Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
