You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I am one with the molecules
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
