speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
