He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
